The 5 Breakthroughs: Lessons Learned from 500 Hours of Leadership Coaching
If you know me, you know I love a good spreadsheet. I've got one for everything, including tracking my professional coaching hours for ICF credentialing. I update it daily, and because this process has become so routine, I rarely look closely at the field that calculates my total hours.
This time was different. My routine was interrupted when that cell suddenly flipped bright green because I’d set up conditional formatting to flag the 500-hour milestone. I almost couldn't believe my eyes. A year ago, that number felt far away, but seeing it confirmed the exponential growth and expansion of my coaching practice in 2025.
That green flash didn't just mark my professional growth; it illuminated the collective commitment of every leader I’ve had the privilege to partner with. This milestone belongs to them, too. It’s a powerful moment to celebrate their achievements: the hundreds of hours they dedicated to moving through their deepest fears, navigating complex organizational chaos, and wrestling with the exhaustion of creating cultural change.
My clients come to me because they are focused on building connections with the diverse people they need to lead and motivate. Together, we design effective and authentic strategies for building trust and inspiring others so they can regain energy, cultivate wildly successful organizations, and accelerate their influence and recognition.
As a way to mark this milestone, I'm sharing the five most recurring, powerful shifts I’ve witnessed my clients make—the breakthroughs that move a leader from exhaustion, disconnection, and self-doubt to courage, clarity, and lasting impact.
1. Fear is Proof of Investment, Not Failure.
The biggest lie many powerful leaders buy into is the myth that they should be fearless. When they feel genuine fear—fear of resistance, fear of failure, or even fear of reprisal for leading on tough issues—they often interpret it as a personal weakness, evidence that they aren't worthy of their position.
The Breakthrough: Fear is not a failure; it is a positive signal that you care deeply about the outcome.
When a leader is invested in creating significant, values-driven change, fear is inevitable. The goal is not to eliminate it, which is impossible, but instead to cultivate the bravery to act even when fear is present.
Courage is ultimately an act of agency sourced from within. This is the internal resilience you rely on when external support is scarce or hard to find. It begins with the clarifying work of tethering your actions to your core values and an unwavering and inspiring vision for the future. This work is anchored in the principles of the brave space framework I co-created with Kristi L. Clemens, where you move out of your comfort zone and into the unknown, where true transformation transpires.
2. You Must Have a DE-Why Before You Can Drive DEI.
In a diverse world, leading for equity and inclusion is not an optional principle; it's a moral and business imperative. My clients already know this, yet often struggle when their efforts meet escalating resistance. Commitment often wanes because their effort is based on compliance, metrics, or vague "good vibes" instead of something more profound.
The Breakthrough: Resilient, inspiring leadership stems from deep clarity on your personal motivation for this difficult work.
I’ve found that many leaders freeze when asked to state their personal "why" for leading on social justice or belonging. They may use the words “diversity,” “equity,” and “inclusion,” but they haven't delved below the surface to understand what these principles truly mean for them. Without this foundational clarity, they lose their footing when external pressure mounts.
To gain this resilience, you must ask: What values do these words reflect for you? What do you compromise—and lose—when you avoid the work? And what do you, your organization, and the world gain when you commit to honoring these principles?
The solution is developing your personal DE-Why: the specific, grounded reason why you, as a leader, are personally and deeply motivated to champion diversity and belonging. When the organizational challenges feel overwhelming and you want to give up, your DE-Why is the ground you stand on. It becomes the reliable and sustainable source of energy that grounds you and makes your leadership inspiring to others.
3. Authenticity is Expansive, Not Restrictive.
Leaders, particularly those from historically underrepresented and minoritized communities, often feel stuck between being "authentic" and conforming to rigid, limiting, and frankly outdated ideas of "Executive Presence." This internal conflict is exhausting. They worry: If I show up as myself, will I lose my authority?
The Breakthrough: Leadership presence isn't about fitting a specific mold; it's about owning your unique power and approach in a way that serves your vision.
The most effective leaders realize that authenticity isn't a single, fixed state; it's an expansive, deliberate choice. This Expansive Authenticity acknowledges that you have many authentic ways to show up. The conscious decision, then, is to strategically select which aspects of your identity, experience, and energy align with your values and will maximize your chances of connecting powerfully with, and motivating, your diverse team. It moves beyond simply "being yourself" to purposefully expressing the version of you that serves your vision best.
4. Mistakes Are Not Roadblocks; They Are Data Points.
When a strategic initiative falters or a mistake is made, especially when attempting something new like culture change, leaders often become instantly demoralized. They either beat themselves up, or they lash out and blame others, frequently leading to them abandoning the objective altogether.
The Breakthrough: Resilient leaders replace "Why did I fail?" with a structured inquiry focused on learning.
The shift is from judgment to curiosity. When you hit a roadblock, adopt a learning mindset and ask:
"What is the lesson here?"
"What was it about the prior approach that wasn't working?"
"How important does the goal remain to me?"
"If it’s still important, what haven’t I tried or considered yet?"
This set of questions is an immediate tool you can use outside of coaching. It reframes mistakes as immediate, actionable feedback, immediately opening the field of possibilities rather than narrowing them to self-blame or defeat.
5. Your Inner Critic is NOT Your Leader.
Almost every senior leader I coach has an incredibly strong Inner Critic—a persistent, nagging voice telling them all the ways they are falling short. This voice is often unchallenged and drains a tremendous amount of energy that should be going into leading.
The Breakthrough: The Inner Critic is a predictable mental pattern (which coach Shirzad Chamine calls a "Saboteur"), not a reflection of your worth. You cannot effectively lead others when your noisy internal critic is sabotaging your focus.
The first step to regaining control is to externalize and name the critic. Get to know it from an objective stance: where did it come from, and what is its often misguided attempt to "help" or protect you?
In coaching, we use tools to understand how to recognize and interrupt this voice with resources like your DE-Why, your core values, and an Inner Guide. These tools decenter the Inner Critic, freeing up the mental space and emotional resilience needed for brave, impactful leadership.
The Next 500 Hours
These five insights are the patterns I’ve observed in the most successful, most grounded senior leaders. They all recognized that building cultures of belonging and high-performance requires deep personal work first.
Translating these insights into powerful, daily action—moving from the idea of courage and clarity to the practice of it—is the transformative work we do together in the brave space of coaching.
If these five challenges resonate with your current leadership experience, I invite you to connect. Let’s discuss how we can partner to translate your values into powerful action.
Traveling Song - “Make it Happen” by Mariah Carey
I’m a middle-aged queer person who loves vocal music, so it should be no surprise that I’m a Mariah fan. I love a good motivational anthem, and this one consistently gets me pumped. The reason it resonates so perfectly with this post is its core message: when you are clear on what you want and believe in your capacity to achieve it, you make it happen. That is the essence of the work my clients do. They find their internal courage, define their personal DE-Why, and strategically exercise their agency to execute their vision. When Mariah sings, "I held on to my faith, I struggled and I prayed / And now I've finally found my way," it's a powerful reminder that transformation requires commitment and self-belief—the exact ingredients leaders use to move from fear and exhaustion to clarity and lasting impact.
I know life can be so tough
And you feel like giving up
But you must be strong
Baby, just hold on
You'll never find the answers
If you throw your life away
I used to feel the way you do
Still I had to keep on going
Never knowing if I could take it
If I would make it through the night
I held on to my faith, I struggled and I prayed
And now I've finally found my way
If you believe in yourself enough
And know what you want
You're gonna make it happen
Make it happen
